


The Moment He Let Her Go

by arlathma



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:41:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28039350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arlathma/pseuds/arlathma
Summary: Fenris realizes he's made a huge mistake.
Relationships: Anders/Female Hawke, Fenris/Female Hawke
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	The Moment He Let Her Go

Fenris knew he made a mistake the moment he let go of her. 

In the moment, it seemed like the right thing to do. He was damaged, scarred. She was entropy and fire. He thought he would destroy her, or at least, destroy the light he saw inside her. But there as no denying his gut. It ached as he left Hawke manor that night. Every step forward felt forced. His mind moved forward but his heart pushed back. In the end, it was his mind that won. 

He kept his distance from her for some time. She would come knocking and he would wait by the door until her knocks fell to silence. She would ask for his help on a mission and he would come up with an excuse. He felt that this distance would make it easier in the long run, would make her forget him and vice verse. All it really did was drive the knife deeper. 

Varric would stop by for the occasional night of binge drinking. Varric was her best and closest friend so he never understood why he kept coming back. Varric never pressed for answers nor lectured. He was smarter than that. He would drop a bit of news here and there. “She’s been working on a job for the Viscount,” he would say “me and Blondie have been tagging along. It’s been a great chance for me to do some research for Hard in Hightown. Have I gotten you to actually read one of those yet?” 

He would sit, wine swirling in his mind, and smile gently. She was just as strong as he thought. Maybe it was time to stop being a coward.

It was a week later when she came calling, but this time she was not alone. When he opened the door, she was accompanied by Varric, as expected as well as Aveline. Standing behind her was another person. Anders was a force that he actively tried to ignore. He exemplified all the gusto and righteousness of a foolish child. Fenris could have hated him for everything he was, but he didn’t. He didn’t give Anders enough thought to hate him. 

When he joined back up with her, it was as if all the weeks apart disappeared. Sure, there was awkwardness. He knew that it wasn’t right of him to withhold answers from her but she wasn’t asking anymore. Her focus was on other things. Things fell back into place. Two friends whose eyes would meet for just a moment too long every once in a while. 

He tried his best not to notice the time that Hawke and Anders spent together but it slowly became unavoidable to think about. It did make some sense; she was a mage but she was far different from any mage he had ever met. Anders reminded him more of the magisters back in Tevinter, thinking they were so special and better than others. Anders’ cries for freedom felt like a direct insult to Fenris. He would claim that Anders knew nothing of true bondage. He saw the hurt these kinds of comments would instill in her eyes so eventually, he learned to keep them to himself.

Fenris knew hate. He knew it like an old friend and companion. Sometimes, he thought he knew it better than he knew himself. His hatred took many forms but the hate eventually felt for Anders was special. It was a jealous hatred of someone who took hold as he let go. He saw the way Anders made her smile, the way his warmth healed her and he hated him for it. 

Despite the death of his master, he was not free from his past, from his hate. He knew that there were others like those who turned him into what he was. He resolved himself to hunt those who would hurt the weak and innocent. He would not let another Leto wander lost in the world. 

Two years had passed since that night they shared and he still remembered every moment. It was then, when planning his future, that he realized how badly he wanted her in it. Perhaps it wasn’t too late. She was spending her time with that mage but maybe, just maybe, if he told her everything, if he finally explained himself, the wound between them would heal. 

But then the explosion rang out.


End file.
